Generation Weenie

Another of the same, or at least that is what the U.K. Minister of Labour believes. Unfortunately, his comment that the members of a particular town may be inbred didn’t go over well with his constituents. Never mind that this Minister has a PhD in genetics and was referring to the higher rate of diabetes seen in this specific location compared to the fact that very few members leave the town and that many have the same last name.  Hi, this is my brother Daryl and my other brother Daryl.

One of the first things to go in the Generation Member’s brain is the section that remembers vocabulary.  Perhaps on their induction, Weenies are issued a special dictioweenie that informs them when to get offended.  The beauty of this dictioweenie is that reference to any and all definitions are immediately substituted by their offensive counterparts.  Take Tar Baby, for instance.  The dictionary defines it as “A situation or problem from which it is virtually impossible to disentangle oneself,” after a story by Joel Chandler Harris that described a doll made of tar that was supposed to snare a bre’r rabbit.  This week, presidential hopeful Mitt Romney uttered that remark (using the word correctly by dictionary reference) relating to Boston’s Big Dig debacle.  Gen W members, on a hunch, consulted their dictioweenies and came up with a lewd term for persons of African descent, or in other words, black people.  They immediately cried foul, probably dashing the election hopes of Massachusetts’ poor gov.  Oh well, he’s not the first politician to be in a situation or problem from which it is virtually impossible to disentangle oneself, a.k.a. a tar baby.

Please take a moment to enjoy this letter by Azeezaly S. Jaffer, the Public Affairs officer for the U.S. Postal Service. Apparently, he finds the term “going postal” both offensive and distasteful. He suggests the meaning of that phrase be changed to recognize the hard work the 70,000 postal employees perform every day.

You won’t believe this, but kids in Minneapolis are looking at pornography.  And according to shocked moms around the city, they are able to pull the porn “out of thin air” on their video game machines.  Enter David Walsh of the National Institute on Media and the Family who quotes, “I talk to parents everyday who are discovering that some of their teenagers are not just curious about messing around with porn, but are deeply into pornography.”  Deeply.  So next time little Jimmy gets a double dog dare at school, expect a few additional hits for Larry Flynt and a weeniesuit against Sony to follow.

Ah the age-old question. What is the official time period before a recovering victim is deemed recovered or weenified? In Houston, it appears to be nine months. A lawsuit filed today in a Houston court demands retribution for “tens of thousands of the most vulnerable Americans — among them the elderly, the disabled, children and the poor — are faced with the real threat, through no fault of their own, of becoming homeless.” Of course, they may have become homeless through no fault of their own but remaining homeless may hit a little closer to home (pun). Considering the elderly have social security and the disabled have monetary programs for housing, I’m guessing it is mostly the poor who are bringing this lawsuit.

Oh the child development experts are outraged again, this time at Sesame Street’s decision to market videos for children under two.  Apparently, T.V. is not a healthy part of a pre-two-year-old’s social diet.  Not that I can speak for a tiny tot, but compared to the usual eat, poop, and sleep, I’d like to have a little big bird time in my day.  Of course, if my parent is a Weenie, I can only look forward to a mobile in my crib.  How exciting.

Weenie words: outraged, disappointed

The buckle on the bible belt (my place of upbringing) has placed another chip in the forced morality pot in the form of criminal prosecution of any adult caught selling violent video games to minors.  What warrants a weenie post here is the definition the politicians gave to describe content that is “harmful to minors,” which is any material or performance that lacks serious literary, scientific, medical, artistic, or political value for minors.  Which is why I suggest all youngsters under 18 substitute Doom 3 with American Idol.

Commentary: You don’t have to be offended to be a member of Gen Weenie.  Trying to over protect children by legislating morality only serves to fuel the fire of those who will get outraged at the government about their child’s behavior.  Of course, those children who are so micro managed that they can’t get out of the house unless supervised have nothing else to do but play video games.

NORAD has decided, apparently all by itself and without outside weenie pressure, to selectively alter the names of the readiness excercises that are associated with references to Indians, or should I say Native Americans, or should I say, First Americans.  Amalgam Fencing Brave is now Amalgam Fencing Dart.  Amalgam Warrior has been changed to Amalgam Phantom.  You know what I say, though.  That’s right, we should rise up and protect our post hole diggers, our sweaty men in dingy Irish pubs, our light loafing Andrew Lloyd Webber fans, a.k.a the fencers, dart throwers, and phantoms of the Opera.

Article is here.