Generation Weenie

One of the first things to go in the Generation Member’s brain is the section that remembers vocabulary.  Perhaps on their induction, Weenies are issued a special dictioweenie that informs them when to get offended.  The beauty of this dictioweenie is that reference to any and all definitions are immediately substituted by their offensive counterparts.  Take Tar Baby, for instance.  The dictionary defines it as “A situation or problem from which it is virtually impossible to disentangle oneself,” after a story by Joel Chandler Harris that described a doll made of tar that was supposed to snare a bre’r rabbit.  This week, presidential hopeful Mitt Romney uttered that remark (using the word correctly by dictionary reference) relating to Boston’s Big Dig debacle.  Gen W members, on a hunch, consulted their dictioweenies and came up with a lewd term for persons of African descent, or in other words, black people.  They immediately cried foul, probably dashing the election hopes of Massachusetts’ poor gov.  Oh well, he’s not the first politician to be in a situation or problem from which it is virtually impossible to disentangle oneself, a.k.a. a tar baby.

Ken Rigberg has a sweet gig. He gets to beat his weenie into a cup for $6500 a year. Well, he used to, that is, until he was traumatized by finding a video camera in the deposit room at a sperm bank. Sure Mr. Rigberg was right when he insisted the camera be removed and even when he alerted police. But of course, neither of those would get him Generation Weenie stature. So he filed a lawsuit citing (and let’s introduce a whole bunch of new Weenie words here) emotional distress, fear, shame, humiliation, chagrin, sleeplessness, powerlessness, frustration, anger, annoyance, inconvenience, and discomfort.” This, according to the general allegations. What wasn’t in the lawsuit papers, however, was the dollar amount. Stay tuned to see what is worth more, Rigberg’s seed or a video of it.

In an addendum to the previous post “Is your wiener dog emotionally supportive,” we now find Mark Delcore, a former body builder competitor for the Gay Games, suing the federal government for the right to have his rat terrier accompany him to a nude bathing establishment.  Mr. Delcore’s induction into the Generation Weenie club came on September 11th, when he was pumping iron in a gym near the World Trade Center.  During the terror attack, Delcore evacuated his gym but didn’t have time to dry his rock hard muscular body which was “dusted” with an unknown substance that resulted in a rare (in fact, unknown) skin condition requiring him to be in the sun, regularly and completely (a.k.a. nude).  Upon being denied access to the beach with his faithful service pooch, Cheekies, Delcore, who is on disability because of his condition threw out the post-traumatic stress disorder card (along with a GI track problem and a broken foot) and said that his disability insurance wouldn’t cover for him to move to Florida for more than 6 months a year.  And of course he added a clause in the lawsuit to require mandatory “Sensitivity Training” for the cop who tossed the queen.  Think I’m done?  It only gets better.  Poor Cheekies used to be a regular light in the loafer luxury on the beach…until some conservative “conservationists” got the anti-dog law enacted to protect the breeding rituals of the native Piping Plover bird, the result of which, ironically, endangers the breeding rituals of the troubled gay male.

If you’re traveling to Newport, Isle of Wrong this weekend, don’t plan on bringing your pet clown.  They’re afraid of him.  It’s called Coulrophobia and it causes panic attacks, shortness of breath, rapid breathing, irregular heartbeat, sweating, nausea and overall feelings of dread along with complete and udder weeniehoodness membership.  This year’s festival theme was to be Circus Clowns until some festival goers complained that they suffered from our new Coulrophobia and, essentially, shut the theme down.  I suffer from Weeniephobia.  Do you think I can have Newport tossed into the sea?